


It's Time to Finish the Game

by LMShnook



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love, alluding to death, my take on that lovely ending, post series 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-06-02
Packaged: 2018-02-03 03:57:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1730270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LMShnook/pseuds/LMShnook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a school project.  This is my take on what is going through Sherlock's head when he is faced with having to say goodbye to John at the end of series 3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Time to Finish the Game

The sun shines down upon us, but it is cold nonetheless. Mary, Mycroft, and the airplane pilot stand just a few feet away while they wait to exile me to Eastern Europe. They make small talk amongst themselves, but I can only hear John. Standing here in front of me for the last time.

“John, there’s something…I should say.” I begin, “Something I meant to say, always, and never have. Since it’s unlikely we’ll ever meet again, I might as well say it now…” and I want to tell him, tell him everything. No more lying. Tell him how every second I spend with him I can feel myself becoming a better man, how he saved me from relapse into drugs (twice), but more importantly from a life spent alone. I look into his bright blue eyes, full of life and love, and it’s on the tip of my tongue… 3 words, 8 little letters, so mind-numbingly simple…

“Sherlock is actually a girls name.” I say instead.

He laughs with his naive little laugh, almost a giggle, god I love that laugh. “Sherlock, I’m not going to name my daughter after you.” 

I can’t help but laugh too, and without realizing it I am able to smile even in such a dark situation. This moment brings me back to our first day together, laughing like schoolboys after chasing down a serial killer… What I wouldn’t give to have it all again, that simpler time when there was no need to fake my own death or commit murder. Those times with John were the best times of my life.

And suddenly I realize it’s for the better I was a coward, because this is how I want to remember him, how I want to remember us. Laughing and making jokes in the face of potential death. There would be no point in telling him now anyway. He’s moved on, after all, found himself a better love while I was away. He deserves better than me. I’m a criminal, a sociopath, a freak. And that’s just the kind of man I killed to protect him from, wasn’t it?

I laugh along with him on the outside, but inside my shield breaks down piece by piece until I’m left defenseless. The same man who has given me back my heart, and taught me how to feel again, is the same man who can completely penetrate it with a single smile. The best and bravest man I have ever known, and now it’s time to say goodbye. All lives end, and all hearts are broken; it’s time to finish the game.


End file.
